Dear Wagon,
I'm a college student who doesn't like beer. Shocking, I know. Here's my problem. St. Patrick's Day is only a few days away. Everyone I know is excited to don green attire and chug beer. I'd like to hang out with my friends and not be a total drag. Any advice?
Sober in Kent
Dear Sober,
We have the perfect solution for you! First, get your green shirt on. Preferably something with long sleeves and a collar. Then find a great argyle vest to put on over the shirt. The louder the colors, the better. Don't worry if it clashes with the green. Then go out with your friends. About an hour into the fun, pull out your Instant Irish Accent Breath Spray and amaze your tipsy friends! Some phrases to practice now:
-I hear the secret Morse code in the Irish step dancing!
-My ninth step-cousin was Irish!
-May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go.
- As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!
If you want to get really fancy, you could practice saying some phrases in Irish by studying the chart HERE . Once your friends have a few mugs o' beer, your routine will be greatly amusing. You'll be the life of the party without taking a single sip of beer.
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