Dear Wagon,
Valentine's Day is approaching. Here's the problem. I'd like to break up with my girlfriend, but have it look like her idea. Any advice?
Desperate to be Free
Kent, Ohio
Dear Desperate,
Ah, the approaching romantic holiday. We understand that flowers and candy don't always send the message you want. Now, you could be honest with your girlfriend and use the classic "it's not you, it's me line," but you seem to want something a little more creative.
How about sending her a Crazy Cat Woman action figure? Attach a note to it that reads, "This made me think of you and our future together. I couldn't wait until Valentine's Day to give it to you?" Give it to her the week before Valentine's Day. See if that does the trick. We'd be surprised if it doesn't.
Be prepared, though, for a lot of angry texts and Facebook posts from her and her besties after you deliver it. Good luck, and by the way, it does sound like it's you and not her.
-Off the Wagon
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