Dear Wagon,
I'm broke. See, I'm a college student, and it's that time of year where I've already spent all the extra cash my parents expected to last me until the end of May. I'd rather starve (which I'm actually doing at this point) than call my parents and ask for money to finish out the year. Any ideas on how to make my last $20 make it to the end of the school year?
Thanks,
Broke & Hungry in Kent
Dear Broke & Hungry,
We understand very well the situation you're in. Don't worry, we have a three-step approach to get you through the last weeks of college with only $20 to your name.
(1) First, spend a few bucks on some Ramen noodles. They're cheap, and they'll give you the energy and practice you're going to need for the second part of the plan.
(2) Get a Freeloader Fork. With this fork, you'll be able to swipe some snacks from friends when they're sitting across the table. They will never know it was you, if you're smart about it. Practice at home with your Ramen noodles. Place a bowl at different distances around your place and practice twirling and taking noodles with the fork extended at different lengths. When you're confident with your new stealthy food-swiping tool, go out to a restaurant with some friends. Tell them you're not hungry, so you're not ordering. Then once the conversation starts flowing, use your fork to abscond with some bites when no one is paying attention. This plan should work a couple of times at least, if you don't get too greedy.
(3) In between meals, keep your lips coated with Bacon lip balm. A little lick now and again just might trick your brain into thinking it's receiving some real nourishment. Plus, it will help hide the cracking and peeling of your lips that malnutrition can cause.
Good luck!
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