Dear Off the Wagon,

I have been smoking since I was 13. A friend of mine's father died recently of lung cancer and I am feeling convicted to quit. I have tried and tried to stop lighting up, but it just isn't working. The cravings are too strong. I need some help but I can't afford those expensive treatments. What should I do?

Help!
Addicted




Dear Addicted,
You have made some great first steps in deciding to quit and reaching out for help. Years and years of habit are difficult to break without some assistance. Sadly, most of the assistance out there comes in the form of costly treatments. I am thrilled to offer you an amazing and low cost solution. Our new "Doctor's Choice" cigarettes are sweet and mild and completely nicotine free. You can enjoy the taste and feel of a cigarette without all the nasty cancer causing additives and tobacco. These cigarettes are actually recommended by nine out of ten doctors. At $2.49 a pack, these are well within any budget.

Wishing you a long healthy life,

Off the Wagon

Just Goofy

We have a time-clock adjustment log that our staff fills in when they forget to log in or out. I was reading through the list of excuses under "reason" and it gave me a few laughs so I thought I would share some of the highlights with you.

"Clocked in late"
"forgot to clock out"
"Apparently I didn't log in..."
"Grrr."
"Ate a bad cheeseburger. Slipped my mind as my stomach was ravaged by pain."

these ones all in a row
"oops"
"OOOPS"
"OoOoOPPs"
"OoOoPs"
"Hurrah!"
"OOOOOOOPs"
"whoopsies"