Mustache Pacifier!

Now Babies can Stache too!  It sure is hard to be stylish with a nice lip of dark thick stiff facial hair when you have trouble growing any hair at all even on the top of your head.  This is a way for babies to instantly be stylish!  No need to wait 30 years or so.  It works great for girl babies too.  Mustache Pacifier.
 
Mustache Pacifier.

More Zombie Gifts!

I can never say enough about Zombies.  Even though it is a favorite among our customers, we assure a safe shopping experience , and free from flesh eating conundrums.  (At least online.)

Here are some of our favorite Zombie gift items...

 

1.  Abraham Lincoln Zombie Oil Paining!  I'm told her really posed for this one.

2.  Zombie Family Stickers for your car.  Show off how truly degraded your family is.

3.  Zombie Jerky.  Delicious and beef.  

4.  Remote Control walking and groaning Zombie!

5.  Zombie key covers

Find all of our fun Zombie gifts on our website at www.offthewagonshop.com.

See our previous featured Zombie Gifts.

 

Dear Off the Wagon: Too much facial hair

Dear Off the Wagon,


I am having trouble with facial hair.  As a woman, this is not good.  Ever since I turned 35 I have these dark black hairs that keep popping up.  I hate plucking them (hurts!), and I refuse to shave.   


Help!
Too much facial hair

Dear Too much facial hair!

We often get this question.  What you (and others like you) fail to realize is just how much facial hair has come to be embraced these days.  The sheer amount of fun mustache gifts that we sell is a testament to this fact.  So we say, why fight it?  Why not let it grow?

Because the in between times are tough, we have an excellent temporary solutions.  Just use our stick on mustaches while you cultivate your mustache.  These come in a variety of colors and shapes.  You can use a different color each day.  Lots of fun and you will be making the fashion statement of the year!

Sincerely,  Off the Wagon

Dear Off the Wagon... Too Sleepy

Dear Off the Wagon,

I'm worried I may be fired soon. I am falling asleep at every meeting we have at work. The problem is that our meetings are far far to mundane. I don't need to hear the information to effectively get my work done, yet my boss requires me to be there. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Sleepyhead
-----------------------------------
Dear Sleepyhead,

Fortunately, due to a recent addition in our shop, we have the perfect solution for you. Our Anime Eyes glasses have a wide open eye printed on the front. Your boss will believe you are the most attentive listener whenever you have these on. And, on the rare occasion when you do wake up, you can still see perfectly fine through them. (We don't recommend the blue hair pictured here.)

Sincerely,

Off the Wagon

Dear Off the Wagon,

I have been smoking since I was 13. A friend of mine's father died recently of lung cancer and I am feeling convicted to quit. I have tried and tried to stop lighting up, but it just isn't working. The cravings are too strong. I need some help but I can't afford those expensive treatments. What should I do?

Help!
Addicted




Dear Addicted,
You have made some great first steps in deciding to quit and reaching out for help. Years and years of habit are difficult to break without some assistance. Sadly, most of the assistance out there comes in the form of costly treatments. I am thrilled to offer you an amazing and low cost solution. Our new "Doctor's Choice" cigarettes are sweet and mild and completely nicotine free. You can enjoy the taste and feel of a cigarette without all the nasty cancer causing additives and tobacco. These cigarettes are actually recommended by nine out of ten doctors. At $2.49 a pack, these are well within any budget.

Wishing you a long healthy life,

Off the Wagon

Just Goofy

We have a time-clock adjustment log that our staff fills in when they forget to log in or out. I was reading through the list of excuses under "reason" and it gave me a few laughs so I thought I would share some of the highlights with you.

"Clocked in late"
"forgot to clock out"
"Apparently I didn't log in..."
"Grrr."
"Ate a bad cheeseburger. Slipped my mind as my stomach was ravaged by pain."

these ones all in a row
"oops"
"OOOPS"
"OoOoOPPs"
"OoOoPs"
"Hurrah!"
"OOOOOOOPs"
"whoopsies"