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Dear Off the Wagon,
I can't believe it. While I was away at college, my parents let my fifteen year old brother move into my bedroom at home! Now that I'm home for the summer, he's refusing to move out. I'm not moving into his tiny little hole of a room. I want my big room back.
Help!
Frustrated to Be Back Home
Dear Frustrated,
Wow, that's tough. It's certainly hard to go from the freedom of college life to living back at home for the summer. Having to share your room with a little brother--or move into a smaller room--that's just plain torture. Don't worry. We can help.
The solution is as easy as buying the Revenge CD. Act like you're cool with bunking up with your little bro. Then every time he goes into the room, follow him in and play it. We highly recommend playing the violin practice track over and over while he's in there trying to chill or talk to friends on the phone. At night, just as he's about to fall to sleep, pop on the drill and train tracks.
Don't worry, it won't be a nuisance to you. The CD comes with earplugs, so you can rest easy while his little ears writhe in agony.
When he complains (we estimate three days of this treatment will have him complaining like a three year old who just skinned his bare knees on the sidewalk), tell him he's welcome to move back into his room for the summer. And offer him some Cat Butt Gum as a parting gift.
Good luck!
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