Dear Off the Wagon: Too much facial hair

Dear Off the Wagon,


I am having trouble with facial hair.  As a woman, this is not good.  Ever since I turned 35 I have these dark black hairs that keep popping up.  I hate plucking them (hurts!), and I refuse to shave.   


Help!
Too much facial hair

Dear Too much facial hair!

We often get this question.  What you (and others like you) fail to realize is just how much facial hair has come to be embraced these days.  The sheer amount of fun mustache gifts that we sell is a testament to this fact.  So we say, why fight it?  Why not let it grow?

Because the in between times are tough, we have an excellent temporary solutions.  Just use our stick on mustaches while you cultivate your mustache.  These come in a variety of colors and shapes.  You can use a different color each day.  Lots of fun and you will be making the fashion statement of the year!

Sincerely,  Off the Wagon

Dear Off the Wagon... Too Sleepy

Dear Off the Wagon,

I'm worried I may be fired soon. I am falling asleep at every meeting we have at work. The problem is that our meetings are far far to mundane. I don't need to hear the information to effectively get my work done, yet my boss requires me to be there. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Sleepyhead
-----------------------------------
Dear Sleepyhead,

Fortunately, due to a recent addition in our shop, we have the perfect solution for you. Our Anime Eyes glasses have a wide open eye printed on the front. Your boss will believe you are the most attentive listener whenever you have these on. And, on the rare occasion when you do wake up, you can still see perfectly fine through them. (We don't recommend the blue hair pictured here.)

Sincerely,

Off the Wagon

Dear Off the Wagon,

I have been smoking since I was 13. A friend of mine's father died recently of lung cancer and I am feeling convicted to quit. I have tried and tried to stop lighting up, but it just isn't working. The cravings are too strong. I need some help but I can't afford those expensive treatments. What should I do?

Help!
Addicted




Dear Addicted,
You have made some great first steps in deciding to quit and reaching out for help. Years and years of habit are difficult to break without some assistance. Sadly, most of the assistance out there comes in the form of costly treatments. I am thrilled to offer you an amazing and low cost solution. Our new "Doctor's Choice" cigarettes are sweet and mild and completely nicotine free. You can enjoy the taste and feel of a cigarette without all the nasty cancer causing additives and tobacco. These cigarettes are actually recommended by nine out of ten doctors. At $2.49 a pack, these are well within any budget.

Wishing you a long healthy life,

Off the Wagon

Just Goofy

We have a time-clock adjustment log that our staff fills in when they forget to log in or out. I was reading through the list of excuses under "reason" and it gave me a few laughs so I thought I would share some of the highlights with you.

"Clocked in late"
"forgot to clock out"
"Apparently I didn't log in..."
"Grrr."
"Ate a bad cheeseburger. Slipped my mind as my stomach was ravaged by pain."

these ones all in a row
"oops"
"OOOPS"
"OoOoOPPs"
"OoOoPs"
"Hurrah!"
"OOOOOOOPs"
"whoopsies"

Neighborhood Toy Store Day: Nov. 12th

As a child, nothing compared to the enchanted feeling of shopping for toys at your local toy store. Gazing with wonder at the aisles of exciting choices…holding your new toy for the very first time…anticipation building inside you as you finally took your new gifts home.

In a world where new gadgets pop up every day, it is heartening to know that some good things never change.

On November 12, Off the Wagon Shop will join hundreds of locally owned stores across the country to celebrate the second annual national Neighborhood Toy Store Day.

"When you shop at an independent toy store, you are entering a universe of play possibilities," explains Kathleen McHugh, President of the American Specialty Toy Retailing Association (ASTRA). "Neighborhood Toy Store Day is about celebrating the role the local store plays in the community. We are highlighting the expertise your local store has in selecting just the right
innovative, exclusive and engaging toy to help your child grow and learn through play."

As part of the festivities, Off the Wagon will be celebrating with a visit from Santa's elves and some fun activities and treats for the kids. There will be a drawing for prizes including a $50 gift card. The event will take place form 4pm to 6pm in their Kent store.

Consumers can be confident that more of the dollars spent in local, independently-owned stores, stay in the community—25% percent more in contrast with national chains, according to the 3/50 Project. Resident business owners pour more money and energy back into the community in the form of everything from tax dollars to charity donations to participating in local initiatives through civic associations and area chambers of commerce.

McHugh urged shoppers to take this opportunity to be part of a celebration of community and to get to know their neighborhood toy store on Neighborhood Toy Store Day.

“By shopping locally, consumers will find great toys while supporting vibrant communities and
sustainable economic development. Visit your neighborhood toy store and you may bring home
more than just the perfect gift, you'll share the spirit of the season.”

For more information, visit www.neighborhoodtoystoreday.com.

Funny Pictures

My staff likes to play with our little lucky pigs and little figures. Here are some funny little scenes I have found on the counter recently.
"A Pig Revolution"





















"Run away.. run away!"










"Show me the money"

Over the Hill Gag Gifts - Great for 40th & 50th Birthdays

Here are our favorite gifts for your next 40th or 50th birthday bash.

1. Roman Candles - Let's face it, these are much more efficient.

2. Frozen Smiles - This frozen denture ice cube tray says it all. You can never have too many teeth after all.

3. Panic Button - It IS time to panic, this button sends off a blood curdling scream for you (and saves your vocal cords).

4. These Instant Underpants are sure to come in handy. Keep them in your purse of pocket... and you're all set for those unmentionable emergencies.

5. Emergency Inflatable Brain - We aren't getting any smarter... but we can if we add a bit of extra brain power.