Off the Wagon Toys

2012-01-15T05:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Off the Wagon,

I have been smoking since I was 13. A friend of mine's father died recently of lung cancer and I am feeling convicted to quit. I have tried and tried to stop lighting up, but it just isn't working. The cravings are too strong. I need some help but I can't afford those expensive treatments. What should I do?

Help!
Addicted

Dear Addicted,
You have made some great first steps in deciding to quit and reaching out for help. Years and years of habit are difficult to break without some assistance. Sadly, most of the assistance out there comes in the form of costly treatments. I am thrilled to offer you an amazing and low cost solution. Our new "Doctor's Choice" cigarettes are sweet and mild and completely nicotine free. You can enjoy the taste and feel of a cigarette without all the nasty cancer causing additives and tobacco. These cigarettes are actually recommended by nine out of ten doctors. At $2.49 a pack, these are well within any budget.

Wishing you a long healthy life,

Off the Wagon

Just Goofy

2012-01-10T18:31:00.000-08:00

We have a time-clock adjustment log that our staff fills in when they forget to log in or out. I was reading through the list of excuses under "reason" and it gave me a few laughs so I thought I would share some of the highlights with you.

"Clocked in late"
"forgot to clock out"
"Apparently I didn't log in..."
"Grrr."
"Ate a bad cheeseburger. Slipped my mind as my stomach was ravaged by pain."

these ones all in a row
"oops"
"OOOPS"
"OoOoOPPs"
"OoOoPs"
"Hurrah!"
"OOOOOOOPs"
"whoopsies"

Neighborhood Toy Store Day: Nov. 12th

2011-11-02T16:56:00.000-07:00

As a child, nothing compared to the enchanted feeling of shopping for toys at your local toy store. Gazing with wonder at the aisles of exciting choices…holding your new toy for the very first time…anticipation building inside you as you finally took your new gifts home.

In a world where new gadgets pop up every day, it is heartening to know that some good things never change.

On November 12, Off the Wagon Shop will join hundreds of locally owned stores across the country to celebrate the second annual national Neighborhood Toy Store Day.

"When you shop at an independent toy store, you are entering a universe of play possibilities," explains Kathleen McHugh, President of the American Specialty Toy Retailing Association (ASTRA). "Neighborhood Toy Store Day is about celebrating the role the local store plays in the community. We are highlighting the expertise your local store has in selecting just the right
innovative, exclusive and engaging toy to help your child grow and learn through play."

As part of the festivities, Off the Wagon will be celebrating with a visit from Santa's elves and some fun activities and treats for the kids. There will be a drawing for prizes including a $50 gift card. The event will take place form 4pm to 6pm in their Kent store.

Consumers can be confident that more of the dollars spent in local, independently-owned stores, stay in the community—25% percent more in contrast with national chains, according to the 3/50 Project. Resident business owners pour more money and energy back into the community in the form of everything from tax dollars to charity donations to participating in local initiatives through civic associations and area chambers of commerce.

McHugh urged shoppers to take this opportunity to be part of a celebration of community and to get to know their neighborhood toy store on Neighborhood Toy Store Day.

“By shopping locally, consumers will find great toys while supporting vibrant communities and
sustainable economic development. Visit your neighborhood toy store and you may bring home
more than just the perfect gift, you'll share the spirit of the season.”

For more information, visit www.neighborhoodtoystoreday.com.

Funny Pictures

2011-10-21T06:12:00.000-07:00

My staff likes to play with our little lucky pigs and little figures. Here are some funny little scenes I have found on the counter recently.
"A Pig Revolution"

"Run away.. run away!"

"Show me the money"

Over the Hill Gag Gifts - Great for 40th & 50th Birthdays

2011-10-13T04:48:00.001-07:00

Here are our favorite gifts for your next 40th or 50th birthday bash.

1. Roman Candles - Let's face it, these are much more efficient.

2. Frozen Smiles - This frozen denture ice cube tray says it all. You can never have too many teeth after all.

3. Panic Button - It IS time to panic, this button sends off a blood curdling scream for you (and saves your vocal cords).

4. These Instant Underpants are sure to come in handy. Keep them in your purse of pocket... and you're all set for those unmentionable emergencies.

5. Emergency Inflatable Brain - We aren't getting any smarter... but we can if we add a bit of extra brain power.

Top 5 Funny Gifts - Kyle's picks

2011-10-09T05:01:00.000-07:00

I asked our staff to pick out their top 5 funniest gifts in the store. Here are Kyle's picks in no particular order.

1. Nunzilla -It's a bird, it's a plane... no it is NUNZILLA, the walking, mouth sparking, plastic nun toy. Mouth sparks (really!).

2. Zing! - launch your lunch. The best tool for your next food fight. Bend it back and bam... this spoon makes food fly.

3. Just Like Dad! Candy Cigarettes - Kid's do love to imitate Dad. This really brings that idea home.

4. Fingerstache - temporary mustache tatoos for you fingers. Makes a great instant disguise.

5. Gobo Puppet - Gobo is a character from fraggle rock. He certainly is a funny looking guy!

Game Spot: Gotcha Party Game

2011-10-06T05:02:00.001-07:00

We had a lot of laughs playing this game at our last staff meeting. Gotcha is a party game for 3-8 players. The rules are fairly simple, but following them is another story. Each player is dealt a few cards and the rules are set initially. Players are trying to follow the rules and at the same time trying to catch their friends breaking the rules. It gets tricky because the rules keep changing. Rules might includes things like all females have to use their last name before speaking. Or all people wearing socks have to use finger quotes before speaking. Or all people with red on have to play the air guitar before playing a card. With the rules always changing, someone is bound to get confused. When a player breaks a rule you hit the gotcha button and you move ahead while they move back. The first person to the finish line wins.

Because players can place a new rule during their turn, players can change a rule they don't like or add a rule they do like. We were picking on Kyle this time. "Players with facial hair must use air quotes", "males must not speak unless it is their turn". (I wonder if they have a players with dreads card?).

We give this game a thumbs up for a fun game that will add a few laughs to your evening. The game is easy to learn and easy to play (if you can follow the rules). Play time might last anywhere from 15 minutes to 30

Emma's Pick of the Week- Rubber Ducky

2011-09-30T16:09:00.001-07:00

"Rubber Ducky you're the one! You make working so much fun!"

Emma's LOVES our new styling bud luxury duckies. They come in an assortment are wild styles like the cowboy duck, the tennis duck, the USA duck, Indian chief duck, the cube luxury duck, bloom duck, and so many more. Stop in and find out why Emma is in such a pant over these.

Emma's Pick of the Week- Chilling!

2011-09-24T08:31:00.000-07:00

Emma's pick this week was our collection of unusual ice-cube trays! She just likes the idea of chillin'.

Chillbots- bot shaped
Cool Shooters- shot/glass shaped ice you can drink out of
Ice Palace- well a palace of course
Chill Pills- cause we all need to chill
Gin & Titonic - Titanic shaped cubes with boulders
Cool Beans- shaped like coffee beans
Cold Fish- looks like Koi shaped cubes
Frozen Smiles- dentures anyone
Cold Blooded- Fang shaped cubes

New Toy 2011: Airbolt, highest fastest air powered rocket

2011-09-19T03:29:00.000-07:00

Find it in our stores or at www.offthewagonshop.com

New Squishables!

2011-09-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

I've been buying toys for our stores for about 20 years now. I'm not sure that I could even pretend to count the number of times I've been told this or that toy is going to be the new big trend, or a huge hit for the holidays. Mostly I just ignore those comments completely and judge for myself. I also don't go looking in other peoples stores to try to glean off them what is selling.

Instead what I do is try to look at all the toys out there and bring in my very favorites. Sometimes I hit on something that becomes extremely popular. We were one of the first stores (in Akron at that time) to have the Ty Beanie Babies and we were one of the first (maybe the first) to have Webkinz (in our Stow store). In fact, I had both of those in for a while before they went real crazy. They were a little slow at first believe it or now. I started to wonder if they were going to sell well. Then all of the sudden it hit and from then on I couldn't keep them in stock.

That brings us to these Squishables. A fellow specialty retailer (not in this area) told me that these are blowing off the shelves. I took one look and was sold. These guys are so soft and squishy. I love the size of them... big enough to make a nice pillow! I don't think these will be on the scale of popularity with Webkinz or Beanie Babies (especially at around $40 a pop). I do think they are going to do very well though. Stop in and give one a hug.

www.offthewagonshop.com

Zombie Gifts

2011-09-15T16:09:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure why it is that we are obsessed with zombies. Yes, they are kinda creepy, but seldom are they truly scary. There may be those that take exception to that, but it seems to me they are always a little hokey in the movies. I think it has to do with all the crazy makeup they have to put on to look like walking dead. Maybe it is the moaning. You tell me, what is it that people love about zombies?

Here are a few of our favorite zombie gifts.
1. Remote control zombie (my personal favorite). The remote is shaped like a brain. This guy moans as he walks.
2. Zombie mints - These mints are brain flavored... a true favorite for zombies.
3. Zombie Brain Gelatin Mold - Great for your Halloween party. Make a brain shaped cake or jello, add in a few gummy worms and you are set!
4. Zombie Finger Puppets - so you can act out your favorite zombie scenes at work or in school. (Stores easily in your pockets).
5. Zombie Juice Bottle - you supply your own juice, we supply the bottle.
6. OH NO Zombies Board Game - your trapped by zombies and you have to get out.

And there is more! No we didn't list them all here. Check out our website to see more Zombie Gifts.

It's Getting Ugly In Here!

2011-09-06T18:52:00.001-07:00

We just got a big shipment of Ugly dolls in with some of the best new 2011 Ugly Dolls! Here is a quick rundown of a few of the newest ones.

Top row you see the new for 2011 Ugly pillows. They might be Ugly, but they sure are soft.

Kram Scrammy (bottom row, dk puple) .. "love information of any kind. If knowledge is power, then Kram Scrammy is uh, power hungry. But you have to help him learn how to take it easy and have a good time.. too much of a good thing and all that, you know? If Kram Scrammy gets to become a problem, take him phone booth hunting. He's nuts about phone booths, especially those old ones with the closing doors. Watch out for beepers though. Oh man, don't let him have a beeper. No no no."

Heu Googeuy (Pink, far left) has a big heart and giant mind. Small feet though, so please wait up. He's a shoulder to cry on and a pal in times of need. Mostly because he can't run away fast enough when the tears start falling, but if you can pin him down, he'll eventually give you some pretty good feedback.

Ikoy Yoki (green/teal, third row down) are everywhere. They are all around us. Some of us out there don't believe in them, but they most certainly believe in you. When you get into trouble, you can always close your eyes and ask for guidance from Ikoy Yoki. Not when you're driving or riding a bike though. Oh and they love snack offerings. Not in a spiritual way or anything, they just like to eat.

Groody (green, bottom right) is a pretty relaxed, easy going, energetic, stressed out, moody broody mess! AAAAHHHH! Did I just close that door? It was a ghost! Did I close the garage door? Did I send that e-mail to the wrong person!!!??? You get the picture…which is exactly why Groody has chosen you to be his pal. If you are willing to help him on his quest for inner peace he will help you on your quest for whatever dealio you got going. His first though.

And I could go on and on. But I won't.

Game Spot: Math Games

2011-09-06T18:50:00.001-07:00

First up: Shut the Box. In shut the box you roll the dice and use mathematical equations to turn down the tiles. If you roll a 9, you can turn down the numbers 8 and 1, or 7 and 2, or 2,3, and 4, or just 9. You get a point for each tile you flip down. When a roll produces a number where no tiles can be turned down then the round is over. This game can be played using addition, subtraction, multiplication, division or all of them.

Double Shutter is a variant of the classic game shut the box, but adds a second row of tiles nestled behind the first row. You can't use the second row until the tile in front is turned. Both games can be played alone or with 2 to 4 players.

Sumoku is a newer game in which each player gets 8 numbered tiles. You roll the dice to get your key number and build a line of tiles (without repeating colors). The line of tiles needs to add up to a multiple of the key number.

Weird Squirrel Fact

2011-09-06T18:47:00.000-07:00

Squirrels can fall up to 100 feet without hurting themselves. They'll use their tail both for balance and as a parachute. On a side note: wouldn't this guy be less embarrassed if he at least had some squirrel underwear on?

Emma's Pick of the Week

2011-09-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

Meet Emma! She is our resident "store dog". Well, she doesn't sleep here, but wherever Kyle is, there she is. Emma is a Bernese Mountain Dog. Every week we will feature a product that is picked by Emma... the last one she chewed or maybe one the ones she pulls off the rack. This week we are featuring the finger tentacles. These fun octopus like appendices are super rubbery and knubby. They are great for adding extra surface area with some fun textures for petting Emma. Thumbs up from Emma (or rather paws)! only $1.99 ea.

Meet the Staff

2011-09-06T18:43:00.001-07:00

We decided we are going to be blogging on a regular basis here at Off The Wagon Shop. It will be fun and a little wacky. I thought I would start with a series introducing you to our staff. We have a fun crew, each with a unique story. There are only a few of us, myself (Michelle), Kyle (you see him in the store the most), Seth (he's new), Jenna (moving from our Hudson store to Kent), and Julia (our book and sanity keeper!). So we will start with me, and follow up in the next couple weeks with more on the rest of the staff.

I'm a mom of 3 kids, and wife of another one! At home I spend my time working mostly. Either I am cooking, cleaning (and that is spotty), taking care of kids, or I am on my computer for work. When I can carve out a few minutes I like to read out on the patio.

I came up with the concept of a quirky toy and gift store after contemplating a move to Kent Main Street for our store called My Little Red Wagon. I had been researching possible areas to move to and looked a bit into Kent, as that is my hometown. I love the concept of "Main Street" for independent locally owned shops like ours. It fits naturally that a unique downtown area, with unique and historic character would be a perfect location for a one of a kind store. My problem with the idea, though, is that I wasn't convinced the Kent was the right place for a younger kids store like My Little Red Wagon. So we made our move to a different location in Stow instead (and a store in Hudson as well). In the meantime, the folks we had talked to in Kent kept calling. They convinced me to reconsider and I then came up with the idea of Off the Wagon. I wanted to cater to an older crowd with a good sense of humor. As I continued to reflect on the idea I got excited about all the quacky products out there that hadn't quite fit into our My Little Red Wagon shop. Now that we have been open for 2 years... I am even more excited. Kent has a lot going on right now and is a super fun place to have a shop.

Dear Wagon: Summertime Blues Help Needed

2010-06-16T07:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Off the Wagon,

Summer boredom is setting in. Most of my college friends went home. There are only a few of us left taking some classes and working a few hours. There are definitely no big parties going on. Any ideas how we can introduce some fun to some unhappy summer students?

Sincerely,
Suffering from the Summertime Blues

Dear Suffering,

Two words: BACON PARTY!!

1. Food: Bacon, of course! Whip up some spiced bacon bites, bacon puffs, and chicken & bacon tidbits. For dessert, why not serve some Gummy Bacon? We also suggest some heart medication be available just in case.

2. Decorations: Keep it simple. Slap a few Bacon Bandages on the walls and on yourself to create the fun mood of the evening. Save a few to offer guests as they arrive so they can feel festive, too.

3. Games: The most obvious choice is Mr. Bacon's Big Adventure. You and 3 of your friends will be laughing as you play this bacon-meets-Candyland board game. After that, how about a good old-fashioned game of spin the bottle? How does this fit in with the bacon theme you may ask? Simple. Give all of your guests a tube of Bacon Lip Balm and tell them to pucker up.

Have fun and don't forget to post pictures of your Bacon Party on our Facebook page.

Do you have a problem or unique gift situation you'd like to ask Off the Wagon to help you solve humorously? We'd love to hear from you. Send us a private message in our inbox on our Facebook Page and we just might feature it on our blog!

Dear Wagon: Frustrated to be Home with Little Brother

2010-05-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Off the Wagon,

I can't believe it. While I was away at college, my parents let my fifteen year old brother move into my bedroom at home! Now that I'm home for the summer, he's refusing to move out. I'm not moving into his tiny little hole of a room. I want my big room back.

Help!
Frustrated to Be Back Home

Dear Frustrated,

Wow, that's tough. It's certainly hard to go from the freedom of college life to living back at home for the summer. Having to share your room with a little brother--or move into a smaller room--that's just plain torture. Don't worry. We can help.

The solution is as easy as buying the Revenge CD. Act like you're cool with bunking up with your little bro. Then every time he goes into the room, follow him in and play it. We highly recommend playing the violin practice track over and over while he's in there trying to chill or talk to friends on the phone. At night, just as he's about to fall to sleep, pop on the drill and train tracks.

Don't worry, it won't be a nuisance to you. The CD comes with earplugs, so you can rest easy while his little ears writhe in agony.

When he complains (we estimate three days of this treatment will have him complaining like a three year old who just skinned his bare knees on the sidewalk), tell him he's welcome to move back into his room for the summer. And offer him some Cat Butt Gum as a parting gift.

Good luck!

Do you have a problem or unique gift situation you'd like to ask Off the Wagon to help you solve humorously? We'd love to hear from you. Send us a private message in our inbox on our Facebook Page and we just might feature it on our blog!

Dear Wagon: Curious About Giant Microbes

2010-04-22T06:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Wagon,

I don't have a problem, just a question. Why do people buy Giant Microbes? I mean, who buys them, and what do they do with them?

Sincerely,
Curious in Kent

Dear Curious,

Ah yes, plush microbes! What's not to love? They're cute, cuddly, and educational. We've sold some to science teachers, doctors, college students, teens, and even grandmothers. As for what these folks do with them, here are some of the best ideas we've heard.

1. A woman bought a stuffed chlamydia plush toy to give to her boyfriend with a Dear John letter. We hear it was very effective.

2. A student who was placed on academic probation at KSU bought HIV to give to his parents when they came for a visit. He told them he had bad news, then gave them the plush microbe to open. Once they were crying and promising to support him through it all no matter what it took, he told them about his bad performance at college. They were so relieved he wasn't sick, they took him out to dinner to celebrate.

3. A teen bought a cuddly E. Coli friend to give to the lunch lady at his school to show her there were no hard feelings about the recent vomiting and stomach pains he had experienced after lunch one afternoon.

4. A grandmother bought the swine flu to give as her "secret sister" gift in her bridge club. The woman she was assigned was Jewish, so she thought this gift would acknowledge the wisdom of not eating pork.

5. A mother bought some herpes, HPV, and mono plush microbes to decorate her 13 year old daughter's room. "The colors look so nice on her bed. Plus, they will send my daughter a gentle reminder of what she doesn't need to be doing and why," they mother commented.

So as you can see, the possibilities are endless. Who wouldn't want a Giant Microbe? We'd love to hear what others do with their Giant Microbes! Tell us!

Do you have a problem or unique gift situation you'd like to ask Off the Wagon to help you solve humorously? We'd love to hear from you. Send us a private message in our inbox on our Facebook Page and we just might feature it on our blog!

Broke & Hungry College Student in Kent Seeks Help

2010-04-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Wagon,

I'm broke. See, I'm a college student, and it's that time of year where I've already spent all the extra cash my parents expected to last me until the end of May. I'd rather starve (which I'm actually doing at this point) than call my parents and ask for money to finish out the year. Any ideas on how to make my last $20 make it to the end of the school year?

Thanks,
Broke & Hungry in Kent

Dear Broke & Hungry,

We understand very well the situation you're in. Don't worry, we have a three-step approach to get you through the last weeks of college with only $20 to your name.

(1) First, spend a few bucks on some Ramen noodles. They're cheap, and they'll give you the energy and practice you're going to need for the second part of the plan.

(2) Get a Freeloader Fork. With this fork, you'll be able to swipe some snacks from friends when they're sitting across the table. They will never know it was you, if you're smart about it. Practice at home with your Ramen noodles. Place a bowl at different distances around your place and practice twirling and taking noodles with the fork extended at different lengths. When you're confident with your new stealthy food-swiping tool, go out to a restaurant with some friends. Tell them you're not hungry, so you're not ordering. Then once the conversation starts flowing, use your fork to abscond with some bites when no one is paying attention. This plan should work a couple of times at least, if you don't get too greedy.

(3) In between meals, keep your lips coated with Bacon lip balm. A little lick now and again just might trick your brain into thinking it's receiving some real nourishment. Plus, it will help hide the cracking and peeling of your lips that malnutrition can cause.

Good luck!

Do you have a problem or unique gift situation you'd like to ask Off the Wagon to help you solve humorously? We'd love to hear from you. Send us a private message in our inbox on our Facebook Page and we just might feature it on our blog!

Revenge for Wedgies: April Fool's Day

2010-03-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION ANYONE WHO HAS EVER RECEIVED A WEDGIE.

Your day for revenge is soon upon us! April Fool's Day is almost here! Show that big brother who is boss now! Sure, he may have given you permanent elastic marks in embarrassing areas, but you can have the last laugh with this one-two punch:

1. Fake Beer: Invite your victim over for a nice, cold drink at the end of a hard day. Mix this powder into water to serve your brother a realistic looking beer. As you enjoy your beverage, watch him start to spit and sputter because his beer tastes like soapy dishwater.

2. Fish Candy: As you're trying not to laugh about the fake beer, offer your victim a piece of candy to get the taste out of his mouth. Once he gets a solid taste of this fishy confection, he will be reaching for the fake beer again! (Or just place the candy in a bowl and wait for one lucky person to pick it!)

So a wedgie-giving brother is not your problem? It's your sister who always borrows your clothes without asking? Or you're annoyed with a boss who sits in a comfy leather chair that costs more than you make in a month? Try this gag: Chewed Gum. Put this fake chewed gum with an adhesive back on your roommate's favorite sweater or on your boss's leather chair. Wait until you hear the shriek before you come to investigate. Mention that your heard how peanut butter--lots of it--will break down the bubble gum. Offer to go get a jar so you can laugh freely out of ear shot.

If a roommate is the one you'd like to target, may we suggest a Fake Parking Violation? This prank works especially well in crowded parking lots or when someone has to park on the street. Its bright neon orange color is sure to get a stomach-dropping reaction. Then ask your roommate for the $20 she owes you.

Be careful, though. Playing such pranks may inspire others to retaliate. So I'd check the toilet seat very carefully before sitting down, if I were you.

Sober Fun for St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-13T07:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Wagon,

I'm a college student who doesn't like beer. Shocking, I know. Here's my problem. St. Patrick's Day is only a few days away. Everyone I know is excited to don green attire and chug beer. I'd like to hang out with my friends and not be a total drag. Any advice?

Sober in Kent

Dear Sober,

We have the perfect solution for you! First, get your green shirt on. Preferably something with long sleeves and a collar. Then find a great argyle vest to put on over the shirt. The louder the colors, the better. Don't worry if it clashes with the green. Then go out with your friends. About an hour into the fun, pull out your Instant Irish Accent Breath Spray and amaze your tipsy friends! Some phrases to practice now:

-I hear the secret Morse code in the Irish step dancing!

-My ninth step-cousin was Irish!

-May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go.

- As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!

If you want to get really fancy, you could practice saying some phrases in Irish by studying the chart HERE . Once your friends have a few mugs o' beer, your routine will be greatly amusing. You'll be the life of the party without taking a single sip of beer.

Do you have a problem or unique gift situation you'd like to ask Off the Wagon to help you solve? We'd love to hear from you. Send us a private message in our inbox on our Facebook Page and we just might feature it on our blog!

Dear Wagon: Looking for Love in Kent

2010-02-12T05:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Wagon,

As you know, Valentine's weekend is here. I'll be heading out dancing with my other single girlfriends. Any ideas how we might attract a guy or two as our dancing partners?

Looking for Love in Kent

Dear Looking for Love,

Yes, this romantic holiday is a little more fun when you have someone to dance and snuggle with. Don't worry, we know exactly what to do. Bacon Mints. Guys love bacon. You and your friends just need to keep a mint in your mouth at all times, and the guys will catch a whiff of that aroma they love more than life itself in no time!

But be forewarned: since this method of attracting a male does not discriminate (in other words, it will attract males that may not be found appealing by you and your friends), you need to have a way to scare off the ones you don't want to bust moves with to Rihanna or Lady Gaga. No problem. Just have another tin of mints ready to offer him when he bus driver's up to you: PMS Mints. Just simply smile, and offer him a mint, making sure he sees the the name. He's sure to do the locomotion in the other direction then.

Have fun, and Happy Valentine's Day!

Do you have a problem or unique gift situation you'd like to ask Off the Wagon to help you solve? We'd love to hear from you. Send us a private message in our inbox on our Facebook Page and we just might feature it on our blog!

Dear Wagon: I Hate Roommate's New Boyfriend

2010-02-01T06:49:00.000-08:00

Dear Wagon,

My roommate's new boyfriend is really annoying. He is here way too much, and acts like he owns the place. Seriously, last week he was rifling through the medicine cabinet while I was in the shower! I've tried talking to my roommate about it, but she isn't listening. Can you think of a way to help?

Sincerely,
Hates Roommate's New Mate

Dear Hates Rooomie's Mate,

We at Off the Wagon believe that talking to your roommate about boundaries is the way to go. But since you said you already tried that, it might be time to get a little creative.

How about stuffing packs of "Don't Have Ugly Children" gum around your roommate's things (in her purse, in her night stand, on her side of the medicine cabinet, under her pillow, etc.). Once the boyfriend starts finding these around, one of two things is bound to happen: 1. He worries she is thinking about having kids, so he freaks and leaves. OR 2. He worries she is thinking of having kids, so he starts a huge fight with her, and she throws him out. Either way, your part of the problem is solved.

There is the slight possibility, however, that your roommate may confront you about the gum. If this happens, you could try to claim that you saw a picture of her boyfriend as a baby, and she really needs it. You claim you were only trying to help. You might be the one put out, but at least you won't have to deal with him any more, right?

-Off the Wagon

Got a unique gift question to ask the Wagon? Send us a message in our Inbox on Facebook. We just might pick yours to answer!

Dear Wagon: Desperate to Be Free in Kent

2010-01-21T08:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Wagon,

Valentine's Day is approaching. Here's the problem. I'd like to break up with my girlfriend, but have it look like her idea. Any advice?

Desperate to be Free
Kent, Ohio

Dear Desperate,

Ah, the approaching romantic holiday. We understand that flowers and candy don't always send the message you want. Now, you could be honest with your girlfriend and use the classic "it's not you, it's me line," but you seem to want something a little more creative.

How about sending her a Crazy Cat Woman action figure? Attach a note to it that reads, "This made me think of you and our future together. I couldn't wait until Valentine's Day to give it to you?" Give it to her the week before Valentine's Day. See if that does the trick. We'd be surprised if it doesn't.

Be prepared, though, for a lot of angry texts and Facebook posts from her and her besties after you deliver it. Good luck, and by the way, it does sound like it's you and not her.

-Off the Wagon

Got a unique gift question to ask the Wagon? Send us a message in our Inbox on Facebook. We just might pick yours to answer!

Bigfoot Visits Kent, Ohio!

2009-12-10T06:21:00.000-08:00

There's a lot of buzz surrounding Kent's latest celebrity showing his face...or should we say foot?

That's right, Bigfoot is in town. When asked about what brings him to Kent, the hairy, 18 inches tall missing link comments, "Shhh, I think I smell women nearby."

The employees at Off the Wagon are happy to host him. The manager Jenna reports, "He's been delightful, going outside to relieve himself, eating the bugs out of his fur so no one has to do a food run for him. Very low-maintenance. He seems to be looking longingly out at the snow. Maybe he's thinking about his dear cousin, the Yeti."

Kyle has mixed, but mostly positive, feelings about the newest long-haired male in town. "He's cool. But I think I heard him growl at me a few times. I think it's a male-dominance issue."

To learn more about how Bigfoot has spent his time over the years, check out the Bigfoot Encounters page. Fascinating reading and articles. And then come by Off the Wagon before this amazing creature vanishes into the woods once again.